In this episode, we discuss the importance of helping people or yourself out by taking action and not totally depending on people.
Full Transcript
Hi Everyone, welcome to the You’re Daily Cup of Joe Podcast, with your host Joe Bautista. In this podcast, my goal is to give you quick lessons on how to grow yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so you can have better careers, better relationships, and better personal finances.
I’m also the author of the book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to Get Better Every Day”. In this book, I wrote down over 30 tips to help you grow in those four cornerstones. I’m also the founder of Grow With Joe where I combine financial planning with self-development coaching for Latino professionals.
In today’s episode, we’re are going to talk about how you can push or pull somebody to help them out, but you should never carry someone unless they absolutely need it. I’m a big believer that you can’t take over somebody else’s problems. You can offer a hand to help them out but you shouldn’t offer to carry somebody.
When you carry someone it creates a lot of problems. One it enables the person that is being carried to continue to be a victim and won’t learn the skills to solve their own problems. So if a person never learns to solve their own problems, then they will just be a baby and it will just cause problems down the road.
To me, it’s annoying that I have to be the person that has to remind the other person to do the things they should be doing like working out and to look over their finances unless they are paying to do so. If somebody pays me, then I’ll do it but if they don’t, then I don’t want to do much work for them.
I’m busy with my stuff and I don’t have time to focus my energy on something that is not going to provide me much in the future. I was a personal trainer in the past and if somebody asked me to go to their gym and give them a workout, then I won’t do it. If they want to work out, I would say to meet me at my gym at this time. If they show up, then it shows that they want to solve their problems. If they don’t want to show up, it tells me that they are not ready to be a professional yet.
I could give me them references and or give them a quick workout, and then it would be up to them to put in the work. If they put in the work then I know that they are committed and I would be more likely to help them out in the future.
If I had a problem that needs to be solved and I reached out to someone and they told me that I needed to X, Y, and Z. I would do X, Y, and Z because I want to be a professional. I don’t expect anybody to carry because I know it will not make me stronger as a person.
It’s okay to ask for help though. This is where someone is pulling you up from the ground or pushing to get over an obstacle and that’s fine. We’re both putting in the work and we can both benefit from it. If I have a question about digital marketing, I would reach out to someone and ask for help. Maybe I have to pay them for their services or we can trade something that is of equal value.
We only have 24 hours in a day and if you spend all your time on things that are not going to help you grow as a person, then it will eventually cause you to go broke because you gave all your energy away. You should be nice to others and be helpful but don’t be taken advantage of.
This is why you can push or pull someone, but don’t carry them. You can give them a quick lifeline but don’t expect to do all the work for someone. I used to expect my ex-partner to edit my college papers for me and she got me good grades but she did me a disservice. Once she got tired of doing the work, she told me that I had to edit the papers at first.
It stung at first to edit my own papers in college, but after editing my own papers for a couple of years, I got a lot better as a writer. Now I can write stuff and edit myself and be okay. I’m glad my ex-partner didn’t carry me when it came to editing my papers, she helped me push me in the right direction. She did a really good job of leaving comments on stuff that I needed to fix. Then once I learned what I did wrong, then I could do better at not doing that thing again in the future.
Now I wrote three books because of that help. I don’t think I would have had the confidence to write a book if it wasn’t for that help. I used to hate writing because I thought I was bad at it but with some guidance, I became a much better writer.
It’s because of experiences like this that make me not want to carry someone because I know I would be doing someone a disservice by preventing them from solving their own problems. So I will let people fail and fall down, but I will give them a quick pep talk to help them get back up and to keep going. I hope they don’t fall in the future, but if they do, I can offer a quick hand to get them back up again but I won’t solve their problem for them. They won’t learn how to do better in the future if I rob them of experience.
If you fall down in life, and you get back up and then you actually solve the problem, it is a really good feeling to have and it gives you a confidence boost in other areas of your life. When I got my first A on my paper where there were no major edits, I felt really proud of myself. I remember before I learned how to edit my papers, they would be filled with red marks and I would get a C on my paper and it really was not motivating to me, but then I finally found someone that could help me become a better writer and nothing was the same. Once I started getting As on my papers, then I was like, okay, what else can I improve my skills on.
Right now, I’m doing a lot of video work and when I’m editing the videos, I can see how I can improve my public speaking and now I use a lot fewer ums in my videos. I don’t think I would have had the confidence to review my videos if I didn’t realize that I can improve them in the same way I did with my writing. So I’m glad no one carried me, but I was pushed and pulled in the right direction. You have to put in the work, and if it takes you a year or five years, just realize that you have to solve your own problems, and it will be so satisfying in the end.
Thanks for listening to today’s episode, to summarize it, in life we should expect anybody to carry us or that we should be expected to carry others. We can offer or receive the help that will push or pull us or the other person in the right direction, and this will be much more beneficial to society. The person being carried will become weaker as a person and we don’t need weaker people in society. We need strong people and you become stronger as an individual by doing the work yourself. Understand this lesson and you can save yourself a lot of time and energy.
To get a free copy of my book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to get better every day” just go to my website growwithjoe.me/book and just pay for shipping and handling.
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Thanks for joining me today and remember if you go with Joe, you can grow with Joe, cause Joe knows Dough.
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