What We Are Seeking
For Marines, one of the best experiences is going to their first unit. When a Marine first hits the fleet after going through boot camp and MOS school, it’s their first sense of freedom. They can go out of town without having to checkout with their boss, the schedule is more flexible, and they can start to get mentored on how to lead.
They can form deep relationships with other Marines in their first unit since they will see each other in the morning for physical training, work together, and hang out after work and on the weekends since they live together in the barracks. Plus, they are in a foreign place not called home.
Then will come a time when things will change. A Marine’s time will be up with their four-year contract, and they will have to decide to get out of the Marines or re-enlist and go to a different unit which will most likely be very far away. Nothing will be like a Marine’s first unit because the expectations are lower and less responsibility. The work has fewer stakes when you’re just focused on cleaning and doing the basic grunt work and not in charge of anything yet, but they will have many great memories with their brother and sisters in arms.
I’ve heard from a lot of Marines that they miss that feeling of their first unit. When Marines get out, it can be a massive shock to their system. After all, the civilian world is so different from the Marines because the responsibility is upon them now. They have to think about medical and dental, there is no clear-cut mission, and the friends will be more dispersed. A Marine can wish all they want, but that exact feeling of the first unit will never be obtained again.
If a Marine decides to re-enlist and go to a new unit, the dynamics will change and be much different from their first unit. They are going to be responsible for things like training the next generation, the pool of folks to hang out with will be lower since hanging out with junior Marines is not supposed to happen, and the person is going to be older and might have a family now and can’t spend all weekend drinking. So that same joy is not going to be there, but a different one can take place.
How To Maintain Joy
To get this new joy, people have to remember this quote:
“If you want things to stay the same around here, something is going to have to change.” – Unknown.
To go through change is complex, and people need to realize there are seven dynamics to change, which are:
- People will feel awkward, ill-at-ease, and self-conscious
- People will initially focus on what they have to give up
- People will feel alone even if everyone is going through the exact change
- People can handle only so much change
- People are at different levels of readiness for change
- People will be concerned about enough resources
- If you take the pressure off, people will revert to their old behaviors
For myself, I have always been goal-focused, and when I got out of the Marines after seven years of service, I had to focus on change. I went straight into school full-time, which was not a total shock since I was going to school part-time at night while in the Marines. I had a partner and family that I could rely on when I needed help.
What helped me with the change of leaving the Marines was that I had a goal and what I was giving up was not as important as what I would achieve by going through this change.
If I wanted to have the same feelings as my first unit in the Marines of having a purpose, a sense of belonging, a community, I needed to change many things about myself. I’m older now, and I should be different than the person I was ten years ago and even a year ago. Another thing that has helped me evolve is obtaining new skills and mental models for dealing with my environment. This attitude of getting one percent better every day has caused me to embrace change because something better can be on the other side of change.
How To Go Through Change
Not every change will be a successful one, but the more experiments a person can do with their life, the higher the likelihood of maintaining joy. If one can also realize that things will change on their own, then doing small experiments to increase one’s human, social, and financial capital can increase the likelihood of thriving with change. This person will be ready for the wave and surf it instead of being crushed by it.
One of the most prominent groups for divorces now is baby boomers. A lot of baby boomers are starting to retire now, and the family dynamics are changing. Now the couple is home together, and the social agreement has changed. Since males tend to have smaller social circles than females, the retired male relies on their female partner for social interactions, and they are not ready to take on this role or want to take on this role. The environment changed where they’re not working, the children have grown up, and they have more time to think about what life should be like. And if the partners are not prepared for this change, it can cause a lot of frustrations that end up in divorce.
This relationship could have been saved if they followed the quote, “If you want things to stay the same around here, something is going to have to change.” But we are creatures of habit and like to do the same thing as always, which can cause the couple to slowly grow apart until it’s too late to fix something.
To help deal with the change, it’s best to have a vision and communicate that vision to others, then create a plan to reach that vision. Then do check-ins to see if things are working or if some things need to change. It tends to be better to deal with a few changes at a time than a lot of massive changes at once. And if you follow this process, you can maintain the same amount of joy at any age because you will have new things that will give you this joy.
This path is more realistic than hoping an item from the past comes back into your life and keeps everything the same.
P.S.
This November 10th is the Marine Corps Birthday, so if you see a Marine or know one. Tell them happy 246th birthday, devil dog.
