In this episode, we discuss how to use the pain of losing something to help motivate you towards your goals.
Full Transcript
Hi Everyone, welcome to the You’re Daily Cup of Joe Podcast, with your host Joe Bautista. In this podcast, my goal is to give you quick lessons that you can reflect on in your journal so you can grow yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and have a better career, better relationships, and better personal finances while you enjoy your morning cup of coffee.
I’m also the author of the book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to Get Better Every Day”. In this book, I wrote down over 30 tips to help you grow in those four cornerstones. I’m also the founder of Grow With Joe, where I combine self-development coaching and financial planning for Latino Professionals.
At the end of today’s podcast episode, I’m going to give you a prompt question to reflect on in your journal. The idea is to take one to five minutes to reflect on today’s lesson and write a minimum of one paragraph on how you can apply the lesson in your life life. You can use an actual journal, a word document like on Google Drive, or your note-taking app like Evernote. The idea is that you’re actually thinking about how to process the information to help you improve your life.
In today’s episode, we’re are going to talk about what matters isn’t what a person has or doesn’t have, it is what he or she is afraid of losing. This is a quote by Nassim Nicholas Taleb who wrote some of my favorite books like Black Swan, Anti-Fragile and Fooled By Randomness. This is quote is about having skin in the game.
Having skin in the game is an important concept to know because it will show if someone values something or not. When you don’t have any skin in the game, you don’t worry about the negative consequences that could happen because you’re shielded from the results. This is like when congress agrees to go to work but they know they won’t have any family members in the war and they won’t have to pay for the war.
I know when I have skin the game, then I don’t want to lose the thing I put into the game. This is why I put a lot of effort into my Grow With Joe business because I don’t want to waste all the money I put into this business. I’m also afraid of losing my autonomy. I don’t want to go back to working for someone else because I enjoy the creativity of working for myself.
I live very modest right now and I’m not afraid of losing the physical things that I have, I’m afraid of losing my autonomy and control over my life. When you know what you’re afraid of losing, this is going to cause you to work extra hard on preventing that loss. When you don’t care about the loss, then you don’t really have anything to lose and you’re indifferent to what happens.
I was hanging out with my cousin a couple of months ago and she mentioned that when her kids get in trouble, they have to do burpees to make up for the punishment. Then she mentioned this didn’t work after a while because the kids would just go ahead and do the burpees like it was no big deal. They weren’t afraid of that consequence and will only pay the price. Shipping companies like FedEx and UPS don’t worry about collecting parking tickets because they just know it’s the price of the business. So they will continue to pile on parking tickets and are not afraid of losing that money.
So if you want to have a negative consequence matter, then the price has to matter to the person. I know that if someone ever cheated on me, I would just say goodbye to that person and not look back. I’m not going to play that game and I will just move on with my life. If the person is worried about losing me, then they won’t do that thing.
Something you just have knows what you’re actually losing so that it matters. I feel like once I read a book called On the Shortness of Life by Seneca, I just changed the way I looked at the time. Time matters to me because I know I’m not going to get it back. I can give up a lot of stuff if it means that I’m going to save myself time. I will even pay a lot of money it means that I can save time.
You have to know what you’re afraid of losing, and that will come from knowing yourself as a person. Plus if you add that thing to your goal, then you’re more likely to stick to your goal. By not making your goal, what are you going to lose that you’re afraid of? If you can figure this out then you’re going to most likely stick to your goal.
For me, I was overweight as a kid, where I was like 190lbs at 5’5” and now I’m 6’3” and 195 lbs. I work out all the time because I’m afraid of going back to being overweight again. I know that it’s bad for my confidence and mental health, so I’m going to make working out a priority. Working out is a wonderful thing to do, but most people don’t work out on a regular basis. I think only about 20% of folks workout on a routine basis. I believe a big part of this is that people are not afraid of losing their health until it’s too late. I lived that life and I know I don’t want to go back, I enjoy being health way more than not.
If you truly want to figure out your motivation for life, figure out what you are afraid of losing and then create a system or routine where you increase the likelihood of not losing that thing. I’m enjoying my life because I have what I want in it and I haven’t lost it yet. If I did lose it, then I would just figure out a way to get it back. Do you have what you want in your life?
That’s it for today’s episode, to summarize it, what matters isn’t what a person has, it’s what he or she is afraid of losing as Nassim Taleb said. We are more likely to stick to something when we have skin in the game where it would be very painful if we lost that thing. There are things in our life where we could be fine without and there somethings where we would be crush by losing that thing. Like me and physical fitness, I know would be crushed if I went back to being 60 lbs overweight. So I’m going to design my life so that I don’t face those losses. Even if I do face those losses, I know I can recover and get back on track. You can too.
So in your journal, ask yourself, what are you afraid of losing? Some things that you’re afraid of are not that serious, like speaking in front of a crowd. There is more serious consequence that you should be afraid of by not being the person you were meant to be. In that case, ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen to you? Explore this and see if it’s really that bad. If you’re going after a goal, ask yourself, how would it be devastating if you didn’t reach your goal? Then post this answer somewhere where you can be reminded. Hopefully, these exercises help you start living and help you live a good life.
Thanks for listening today! To get a free copy of my book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to get better every day” just go to my website growwithjoe.me/book and only pay for shipping and handling.
I have a quiz on my website that grades your inner circle, so if you want to find out if your inner circle is an A, B, C, D, or F, you can take that quiz at growwithjoe.me/quiz
I’m also trying to do a feedback Friday episode, so if you have a question that you would like to have my answer on the air, just e-mail me at [email protected]
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Thanks for joining me today and remember if you go with Joe, you can grow with Joe, cause Joe knows Dough.
*Music outro
