In this episode, we discuss how we need to know our love language is we want to have healthier relationships that last.
Full Transcript
Hi Everyone, welcome to the You’re Daily Cup of Joe Podcast, with your host Joe Bautista. In this podcast, my goal is to give you quick lessons that you can reflect on in your journal so you can grow yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and have a better career, better relationships, and better personal finances while you enjoy your morning cup of coffee.
I’m also the author of the book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to Get Better Every Day”. In this book, I wrote down over 30 tips to help you grow in those four cornerstones. I’m also the founder of Grow With Joe, where I combine self-development coaching and financial planning for Latino Professionals.
At the end of today’s podcast episode, I’m going to give you a prompt question to reflect on in your journal. The idea is to take one to five minutes to reflect on today’s lesson and write a minimum of one paragraph on how you can apply the lesson in your life. You can use an actual journal, a word document like on Google Drive, or your note-taking app like Evernote. The idea is that you’re actually thinking about how to process the information to help you improve your life.
In today’s episode, we are going to talk about the need to know your love language. There is a book out there called the five love languages by Gary Chapman. I haven’t read the book yet but I have taken the quiz that tells you how you want to receive love and how you give love. So there are five love languages and they are physical touch, gifts, compliments, acts of service, and quality time.
So people who like quality time, need you to be around them. People who like acts of service like to have things done for themselves, compliments are giving verbal cues to show that you care, gifts are buying something and it could be small like a cookie, and then you have physical touch, which involves touching.
For myself, my order of love language is physical touch, acts of service, quality time, compliments, and gifts. So if I’m going to get into a relationship, I need to make sure that the person knows my priorities for love and I also need to make sure that I understand my future partner’s love languages too. If my first love language is physical touch and I’m not receiving that from my partner, then I’m going to be miserable because my cup is not being filled up.
I’m also busy as a business owner and if my partner’s love language is quality time, I can’t give them what they need at this moment, so either I need to set up the expectation that I can’t give quality time at this moment and I probably need nudges to schedule time for quality time. I also know that gift-giving is not my favorite and when I receive a gift, I know I have to show more gratitude.
The key thing is that I’m building up my awareness of how I want my life to be lived and the people in my life. I know I sound like a robot at times, but I think it’s important to study human nature so you know how to navigate the world faster. I’ve gone on a couple of dates and as an activity, we did the five love language quiz together. I want to know what I’m getting myself into and make sure that I’m not wasting my time. I wouldn’t do this on the first date, but rather when things get serious.
Once I found out how I like to have my relationship, it gave me a lot of clarity on how my life should be like. As a business owner that is just starting out and doing an online MBA, I don’t have that much time. So I feel guilty about not spending time with folks, but for me, it’s required that I work on all these things because this path will give me the life that I ultimately want. It’s like the quote, work a few years of your life like most people won’t, so you can live the rest of your life like most people can’t. I’m not in a serious relationship now, but I did date a girl here in Colombia and her first love language was quality time. I don’t like talking on the phone for three hours but with her, that’s what she wanted. I liked her so I compromised but doing what she wanted. Things didn’t work out but at least I know what went right and didn’t go right.
You can also use this in a business setting a well. If you’re the boss, some employees don’t want a ceremony, they just want the reward. Some employees rather have a ceremony or some type of public recognition instead of financial compensation. Some employees want compliments in private. The same thing could be said about your boss. You got to know what motivates people and then figure out a way to scratch their itch.
I love taking quizzes like the five love languages because they help me understand who I am and who I am interacting with. When you understand these two things better when operating in the world is going to go a lot smoother. If you had a bad employer or went on a bad date, then you can chalk it up to it wasn’t a good fit. I know that I’m not a good fit for everyone that I’m interacting with. I’m very logical and don’t like to be too emotional in my decisions. Plus I’m mostly an introvert. So I know which roles I strive in and which roles I shouldn’t take.
And if you can avoid the stuff that doesn’t fit within your life, this can bring you more joy and clarity within your life. I’ve spent a lot of time on my self-development and I know who I exactly need to be and who I should let in my life. This is going to be important for me in the future with the partner that I choose and the business that I develop. Building the wrong life in either of those two areas is a dreadful future that I don’t want. So take a personality quiz, read books on human nature and behavior, and take the five love languages. I’ll have resources for what I enjoyed taking in the show notes at growwithjoe.me/episode279. We all are going to be interacting with people, so we might as well make sure we do it with the least mistakes. And as always, if you need professional help, please go seek out a professional.
That’s it for today’s episode, to summarize it, know your love language. This makes your life a million times better. If your love language is physical touch and you don’t get that, then life is not going to be as joyful. The five love language book by Gary Chapman is on my list to read and I’ll get to it eventually. As people, we should understand our wants, needs, values, and principles, and taking quizzes and reading books about human nature is going to give us more clarity about what we should do with our lives. Now I know when I go into my next relationship, I know what I should be looking for and what I should do to make the relationship stronger. The younger you can understand these lessons, the more your life is going to be filled with the stuff you enjoy. I’m a big believer that in life there are the things we know, the things we don’t know, and the things we don’t know that we don’t know, and it’s in the area of what we don’t know that we don’t know, is where the most joy and satisfaction can be found. It might take a while to find out about this information, but once you do, your life is never going to be the same.
So in your journal, ask yourself, do you have clarity on your relationships should be? Do you have clarity on what you want out of life? After taking the five love language quiz, what did you find out about yourself? What do you need to change in your life after taking the quiz? What are the things you need to add more? A link to the quiz can be found on the show notes for this episode or you can just google five love language quiz and you should be able to find it that way as well. Take the time to learn about yourself and people, and you should be better off than the person that doesn’t.
Thanks for listening today! To get a free copy of my audiobook “More You Know, More You Grow: How to get better every day” just go to my website growwithjoe.me/book and you can download it right there.
I have a quiz on my website that grades your inner circle, so if you want to find out if your inner circle is an A, B, C, D, or F, you can take that quiz at growwithjoe.me/quiz
I’m also trying to do a feedback Friday episode, so if you have a question that you would like to have my answer on the air, just e-mail me at [email protected]
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Thanks for joining me today and remember if you go with Joe, you can grow with Joe, cause Joe knows Dough.
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