In this episode, we discuss the importance of being confident and know who you need to be in life.
Full Transcript
Hi Everyone, welcome to the You’re Daily Cup of Joe Podcast, with your host Joe Bautista. I’m also the founder of Grow With Joe, where I combine self-development coaching and financial planning. In this podcast, my goal is to give you quick lessons on how to grow yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so you can have better careers, better relationships, and better personal finances.
I’m also the author of the book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to Get Better Every Day”. In this book, I wrote down over 30 tips to help you grow in those four cornerstones.
In today’s episode, we’re are going to talk about confidence. One of the greatest lessons I ever learned was that the stronger frame will dissolve the weaker frame.
This means that whoever is the strongest at the moment will win in the situation. So if there is a negative person and a positive person, if the positive person is the stronger frame, mean that they continue to smile and be gracious to the negative person, they have a better shot at bringing that negative person to a positive state
If the negative person is the stronger frame, then they will be able to bring the positive person to a negative state. Once I realized this lesson, I learned to keep my distance away from negative people because I don’t want to be brought down to their level.
I feel like it’s much easier to be negative than to be positive. To smile, it requires more effort than not to smile. So to prevent me from constantly working at keeping the negativity away, the best way is just to remove that negativity away from me. If I can’t keep the negativity away from me, then I just have to maintain a positive frame and dissolve whatever negativity comes my way.
The stronger frameworks in other situations as well. If you’re dating, the stronger frame will win. You have to remember that fortune favors the bold. So don’t be timid and be confident in your abilities. You might not be the best, but a strong frame can overcome and deficiencies that you may have.
If you’re interacting with a boss and you want to get something done and you believe in it, have the stronger frame and it will dissolve whatever resistance your boss may have. I remember one the first lessons I got in this was when I was in the Marines. I was a sergeant at the time and I wanted to implement one of these policies where we had to receipt for a piece of gear within five days. My superior wanted it to be two days or something like that but I felt it was better to be five days and it was still within regulations. I just had the stronger frame in the discussion and he decided with me.
I also noticed in dating that if you maintain the stronger frame, you can usually win. Make sure you’re being reasonable and not delusional, but if you confident and not timid, that can get you really far in the dating world. I would say you need to be okay with whatever outcome you get.
You can’t get disappointed if things don’t work out your way. You’re indifferent. You’re just maintaining your strong frame and you didn’t compromise. It’s when you start to compromise your frame, that’s when it starts to dissolve.
You don’t have to win every situation, and it might take some time to dissolve the weaker frame, but don’t compromise your strong frame. One lick from the lollipop of mediocrity, and you will suck forever. I know I don’t want to suck forever.
So I have to make sure that I’m doing things to maintain a strong frame. You just have to have confidence in your abilities and not care what other people think about your outcomes. This is really hard because we don’t want to be seen in a negative or poor light in front of people.
But if you address your weaknesses and make fun of them, then people can’t use that as fuel because it doesn’t bug you. It’s like the last scene in 8 Mile with Eminem, where he battles the top rapper in Detroit. B Rabbit went first and said that he lived with his mom in a mobile home and that his girl slept with another guy. He addressed it first and the other rapper was shocked and didn’t do anything.
Eminem had a stronger frame and dissolved the weaker frame. Once you learn what to care about and what not to care about, then that can take you very far in life.
As you progress up the social and career ladder, you’re going to need to maintain a strong frame to handle everybody else’s weaker frame and there are a lot more of them out there than you. It’s going to be difficult at times. I know right now I’m trying to establish my own financial planning business and I have to constantly make sure I have a strong frame if I want to make this business a success.
In life, there are things you can control and can’t control. I know I can’t control other people and the environment. I can just control my emotions and my mind. So if I ask myself, is this something I can control, and it’s a no, then I have to be okay with the outcome of the event and just maintain my strong frame. When I get a no from a prospective client, I just tell myself that there is another one out there waiting for me. I have to maintain a strong frame if I want to make it in business and this applies to whether you work for someone else. Just be confident in your ability while you work on improving them and things will work out for you.
When you start to doubt yourself, that’s when your frame will start to dissolve and it will start to show in your life. If you can’t stand up for yourself at work, then you’re going to get walked all over. If you can’t say no to the unimportant requests, then you’re going to die by a thousand paper cuts at work because you’ll be going from meeting to meeting. Reviewing little administrative things that could wait and responding to useless e-mails. By having a strong frame, you can maintain boundaries for yourself that can help you become the person that you need to be.
So you have to figure out what you want to be in life and want out of life, then you need to maintain a strong frame in order to get those things by dissolving all the unimportant things that come your way. If you can do this, then you will make it far in life and you will never be more satisfied with life because you’re living life on your terms. I didn’t live life on my own terms in my 20s but now I am and I couldn’t be happier.
Thanks for listening to today’s episode, to summarize it, the stronger frame will dissolve the weaker frame and your goal in life is to figure out how to keep a strong frame but make sure it’s a frame that needs to be strong. If it’s not, start building up the frame that does.
To get a free copy of my book “More You Know, More You Grow: How to get better every day” just go to my website growwithjoe.me/book and just pay for shipping and handling.
I have a quiz on my website that grades your inner circle, so if you want to find out if your inner circle is an A, B, C, D, or F, you can take that quiz at growwithjoe.me/quiz
I’m also trying to do a feedback Friday episode, so if you have a question that you would like to have my answer on the air, just e-mail me at [email protected]
I’m also on Instagram at Grow With Joe and Facebook just look up Grow With Joe
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Thanks for joining me today and remember if you go with Joe, you can grow with Joe, cause Joe knows Dough.
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